"Hello dear. Bet you can't guess what's for dinner today." she called as he walked in through the door.
"Is it dogs bollocks again?"
"That's dogs eyes, and no, guess again." "Hmm. Just give me a minute, let me think." He glanced around the kitchen, looking for clues. Up on the shelf he saw their venus fly-trap, and memories of that painful, frustrated afternoon came flooding back. 'Gobble, gobble, CHOMP!' Those plants really are a very poor substitute for the real thing. Mind you, it didn't get away scot-free either, suffering from terrible indigestion for months, not to mention the most unspeakable halitosis.
Still, there was a positive side to the whole incident... he had been inspired to produce the most impressive painting: 'Phallic Cactus Faces The On-Coming Lawnmower', subtitled 'Old Enough To Know Better'.
Then, noticing the oven was on, he said "I know what we're having. Fluffy white mice, with stringy tails, in a rich tomato sauce."
She frowned at him and he giggled as a vision of elephants attacking a flock of sheep flickered across his subconcious. "Did you ever wonder what shepherds crooks are really for?"

"Two men and a dog sat drifting in a boat. They hadn't yet decided where they were going to drift to, not having a map. In fact, they were so totally lost that they didn't even know if they were at sea, or simply playing in the duck pond at the end of the lane.
The lane itself was a narrow and twisty affair. So twisty in fact, that you could be standing in the middle, turn around, and not know where you had come from.
Mind you, knowing your origins has always been a bit of a tricky subject, especially for those of a milky coffee complexion.
I've always preffered mine on the strong side. After a few years of pumping iron, it should be just about ready."

It was no use. Discussing life with the fleas in the carpet didn't help his mood one bit.
The clock that had hung on the wall for years was no longer there, yet whenever he walked past its place, he could still see it.
"I wonder if that's what happens when someone you've lived with for years goes away?"
He sat there silently, staring at the walls, overcome with a strange feeling of loss. As if a lover that never was, had just died unexpectedly, while away. It was that dreadful empty feeling that something vital was missing.
He looked to the window, an expression of utter boredom hanging on his face like a sack of drowned kittens, lodged on a rock mis-stream. The rain poured down. He looked away, the kittens swept away again by the current. In the centre of the room, he picked up an old copy of 'Tampon Digest'.

In another room, she sat staring out of the window. It was pissing it down out there, and had been all day.She wondered if it was ever going to stop. Probably not.
She had been occupied untill now, when the cat she had been playing with had abruptly died. Very inconsiderate of it, especially when the acid seemed to be working so well.
She pushed it around the floor distractedly, whilst trying to think of something else to do. She stood up and nudged the dead cat with her foot, enjoying the squelching sound it made as her shoe hit the animals stomach. She hit it a bit harder with her toe, and frowned as something stuck to her shoe. Bending down to look, she saw it was a small piece of cat gut. Standing there studying it, she wondered whether to put it back in the cat's body, eat it, or put it in the bin. She decided that the latter option was probably the wisest, but took a small bite anyway.